You get an "A" on your driving test...

I cannot spell out the correct word, I revel to say the right thing
I am sitting looking forward at the car in front of me, I cannot take my eyes off of it
It fades away in my mind, but i hear alarms ringing
I am standing directly in front of it, the driver screams out at me
"Move you fucking moron", but I just gaze forward, stuck in a haze of confusion
The alarm starts to ring again, now I hear
"Fuck it, I'll run your ass over", I pause yet again, and I stare confused and scared.
Next thing I hear the rubber of this monster screeching like a woman raped by a thousand Roman soldiers, I look up just in time to see it coming at me, I dodge the monster, all along it is still making that raping squeal.
The driver pokes their heads out and screams to me "No you wonder why I fucked all of those dudes behind your back, your a fucking waste of my life".

I just stare, confused, scared, dazed, and strange.

Morning

She started slowly down the foyer, up to the room, opened the door, looked at her mother, and then crawled on top of her father. be fore he could realize what she was doing; the gun was already inserted into his mouth, she pulled the trigger, she felt better, a whole hell os a lot better.

I have seen this

Your smile.

Sleep Walking

Maybe the aforementioned remark doesn't really interpret my emotions these days.  Or maybe it's just that I can finally smile again, but with less strain.  I always wondered when it would finally happen for me, to me and for Gino.  

And it has and I can float here in heaven with her now.

Somewhere between heaven and hell

I find myself thinking about those times when I would walk into the bathroom and see that  my mother didn't have the courtesy to cover u her monthly friend, then living with other girls or roommates the same thing seems to happen.

I HATE BODILY FUNCTIONS

i just do.

today

Today was a day I to realize something and it hurts to even contemplate it!  But I have to really make some real decisions and some more progress...I need a real vacation and  real time to think things out.

It's not that I can't recoup from this I will and always do.  I guess Im fucking tired of always having to keep fighting for something good in my life.  

It's just so hard it really is...

But fuck it gotta keep on keeping on!  LOL that saying is so fucking stupid!

Part 1 introduction into K Cox

I sometimes feel like Im coming out of a coma when I think about the people who have come in and out of my life.  The sudden moments of happiness or the strange feelings of enjoyment.  I also think to the times when I would run through fields and play GI JOE in or trailer park.  Or trailer park was right behind the NICE neighborhood and i can remember the NICE neighborhood kids's parents would have FAMILY DAY for all of them.  So Toby and I would go and we got thrown out.  We were told that the TRAILER PARK KIDS were not allowed there.  I think that was the first time I felt segregation, racism, classification and it stung me hard. i have honsetly never forgotten that at all.  I remember the old dried p prune drinking bitch who looked me in my eyes and called me trailer park trash.  I remember walking home with Toby and he was pissed and of course so was I.  All my friend were watching and the worst of it all.  They didn't even look at us that way BUT after that they even had a different look when we came by.  So I went and told mother.  After she took another toke from the bong she was like FUCK THEM PEOPLE LET'S GO DOWN THERE AND STRAIGHTEN THEM OUT.  I was like FUCK YEAH!  mom actually put the bong down to do something nice for us.  When she got there she was so stoned she got to paranoid with the cop cars and turned us around and made us go home.  And then I got my first look at paranoia and weakness and also no BACKBONE.  This isn't to say that she shouldn't have turned us around she probably would have gotten arrested.  But us it my fault she was a drug addict?

So as to the point of this story is that I always told myself I will never be that type pf person..My mother, My evil NIAVE NEIGHBORHOOD kids and most of all WEAK.

So Im not starting anytime soon.